I am in a position I did not think I would get and so applied because I was told i wold be good at it. I enjoy being an individual contributor, or focusing on helping others in a one-on-one or group setting. I do not enjoy being a manager of a program at a federal agency that operates on outdated systems. My passion is the "story" not the "system". I am most energized when I am making a difference through psychotherapy, through helping my team realize their motivations or potential - making others feel good makes me feel good. I am drained by the 5 meetings I have scheduled at the same time and prioritizing which to attend, returning 34 phone calls by the end of the day and listening/problem-solving my staffs' personal issues and drama. I am drained by the never-ending responsibilities and weight I feel that never seems to end. I feel stuck and use this "stuck-ness" as a way to avoid dealing with my emotions, myself, and making a positive change in my life. I make good money, have a stable and comfortable life and fear what will happen if I am true to myself and my needs. I have student loans and feel obligated to follow this path of pragmatism because this is what my parents say is best. Yet, I know full well that my parents do not always know what is best, especially for me. Because, they do not know me, truly. I feel mostly misunderstood and hide my true self, the creative, outing, passionate person I believe I am but have yet to allow myself to be. I fear failure. I fear what others will think. I fear I could lose everything.