I have always felt imposter syndrome and inadequate as a person. I seek perfection because I was raised to be acknowledged and worthy only when I was excelling in things. Meaning, through achieving the best grades, getting first place in sports, being the best out of my peers, I was acknowledged by my parents. However, even when I was the best, my parents still found ways I could improve, or were critical of my appearance. Instead of taking time to celebrate myself, I would focus on fixing the things they pointed out.  My parents traveled for work a lot when I was a child so they were not around much. I suppose I thought that if I was good enough, they would spend more time with me or want to stay. And I suppose I have felt the same way about most of my significant relationships in my life, including my marriage. Anyway, that is context for what comes next. 

 I am a manager of a large team of intelligent medical and mental health providers. I never wanted to be a manager and still am surprised I am one. I often feel out of my element and worry I will fail my team or set them up to fail, even if unintentionally. I feel weak and doubt myself as a leader. One day, a colleague shared feedback with me about how "kind, patient, compassionate, fair and selfless" I am as a leader and that that is why she and others have stayed on the team, even when they've had opportunities to leave. She explained I am the reason. I was completely shocked and until that moment, had no idea.