i have a twin sister. while we both would be considered on even keel elsewhere, where we live people believe that whoever is older has to play the part of an older sibling, the older one being me. my sister used to be affected by global developmental delay, which made her develop slower than other kids, often causing her to act more childlike and impulsive. thus, whenever we went around, she sat in a stroller, while i walked. she used a pacifier a lot, and i didn't. naturally, being a small child meant i was kind of dumb, so i didn't understand why she got these while i didn't, when we're the same age. the adults would tell me it's because i'm a big girl, while she's my little sister. even so, they said she was better than me, even as we grew up and she grew out of her delays. her grades, while slippery sometimes, are good, and mine aren't as much. she is considered a better example than i am in many ways - with all these being descriptions from my family: friendlier, better skin, taller, more caring, prettier because she doesn't have acne at the moment, more responsible, obedient, no disorders, healthier, isn't picky, and the list goes on. whether they are true is rather subjective but as a result, i seem to have failed at being the older sister - the role model, the better sibling. my duty weighs heavy on my soul because i have not succeeded in them. but honestly, while i am aware of all their impressions of me, i don't really care, because i am her closest confidant.